Flirt with me
One thing I’ve discovered lately is that I not only love flirting — I kind of need flirting.
Hear me out: I, if you can’t tell already, am a very verbal person. I love banter. I love the back and forth. I love a will-they-won’t-they arc.
I’m a writer, a sentence crafter, a words guy. Love a good turn of phrase. Love a double entendre. Have a soft spot for silly flirting. Adore glances and small touches and getting closer. It’s actually what allows me to gain momentum and feel desire. It’s the gas to my engine.
True to form, I did a little research, and it turns out that I might be something of a “reciprosexual”, i.e. someone who experiences desire when they know the other person desires them. For me, it’s not that they have to be in order for me to feel anything; I can think a person is attractive without knowing if they’re into me. However, I’m far more likely to be able to access my own desire if I am met in that desire, and if that desire is expressed to me.
My favorite way for that to happen? You guessed it: flirting.
What’s interesting is that as a creative person in the middle of the Bay Area, surrounded by tech (ug) and all of us who have to work in it to survive, my community is staunchly neurodivergent. Which is rad! Don’t get me wrong: I love my autists. And I love my own ADHD brain. I especially love the open conversations we’re having about neurodivergence.
There’s also a decent amount of overlap in the neurodivergent community and the kink community, which is also neat. I think non-neurotypicals (or maybe everyone? I don’t know, couldn’t say) loves a structure, a container for some of this stuff, because it’s risky, you know? Taking a chance on putting yourself out there and flirting and being rejected is tough. So we have kink and we have apps and we have pre-negotiated scenes, and it’s all much better and safer and so on. All-in-all, very much a win!
Where I’m flagging though is with folks (neurotypical or neurodivergent) who have a hard time with flirting. They maybe struggle with eye contact or not knowing the social script for flirting. I get it! It’s tough and especially with stupid gender stereotypes, it can feel icky if not done well.
I wish we all knew how to do it well. I wish there was a syllabus, a class, something popularized so that we were all well-versed in non-creepy, non-smarmy, non-cringe flirting. Because gosh, wouldn’t that be something?
And as it is the primary engine to get my own motor purring, I’m really noticing the lack of it these days. Not with everyone, mind you. There are some folks on my radar that are a lot of fun and very good at this. I’m more interested in the absence of flirting as a social trend, or within certain communities. Maybe it’s one of the social skills we let fall by the wayside because of the pandemic, along with small social conversations while waiting in line for things, and having interactions with your neighbors?
Where do you land on flirting? Cool? Cringe? Send me your thoughts in the form below. And if you want to flirt with me, my inbox (ahem) is open.
